Lately there are relationships I have felt very neglected in. I feel like I give and I give and I don't get much in return. I'm sure we've all experienced a relationship like this at some point in time and eventually get over the feelings of neglect and move on but I've learned a few lessons from this season in friendships. I've learned that perhaps the times I felt I was giving so much of myself, I was actually doing so with the hopes that that same selflessness would be shown towards me. Every time I would give of myself or ask how my friend was going with genuine interest and get less than that back, my next interaction with them would be a little less than. I would give just a smidge less of myself because truthfully, I was hurt and didn't want to give more. I didn't want to feel as exposed or offer all of who I am. I didn't want to share all of what was happening in my life because they never asked me anyway and I was hurt by that.
But thinking this way and interacting in this way has got me wondering. Is my relationship with The Lord the same, just reversed? Is Jesus giving of himself to me again and again and I'm just giving him my leftovers?
If every time I meet with Him and only bring half of my heart and half of my passion and half of myself... am I right to expect all of Him? If I only give half of my time and attention, if I only approach Him when it suits me and when I feel like it, how does that make Him feel? Does Jesus feel like a worthy player in my life? Does He feel like He has any place at all? Any importance?
Relationships of all sorts are hard. They require selflessness and work and energy and love and grace. They require commitment and forgiveness and humour. They require vulnerability. They require heart. And they require two people committed to putting the other persons interest before their own.
I am learning that reaching out in my vulnerability offers to me the genuine love and interest I so wanted. I am learning that offering all of my heart and my time and every corner of my mind to The Lord allows His love and grace to flood me. I am learning that giving all of myself and not holding back offers such a deep treasure in friendship.